Self-love as a Writer

---

Before you love your work, you must love yourself because you show through in your art and, therefore, will not love your work until you can see the beauty in the hands that created it. - Alexandra Lee

---

The hardest part of writing is dealing with self-doubt.

Some people might disagree with that and say the hardest part is actually writing the book—things like writer's block, finding the time to write, and learning the craft in general. But I think all of those things have a core conflict that ties them together, and that is the writer's self image. If this is true, then it makes us ask the question—how is my self image affecting my art?

How does your self-image affect how you see your art? Do you see your writing in a negative light? A positive light? How do you react when you don't like what you've written? How open are you to criticism and suggestion in your writing? Are you so insecure that you can't see what you need to improve?

There are so many questions you could ask yourself about self-love when it comes to creativity and art. There are so many more you could ask when it comes to self-love in general. But what I mentioned before, about how self-love is the hardest thing a writer, or any artist, has to learn to do, is a part of the writing process so many people fall short on.

How can you love something you create if you don't love what you already are? Why is your self image so important, and how can you shape the way you see yourself to make your work better?

I think the first step is to realize the lies you're feeding yourself. Where is this negativity coming from? I don't think we're born with a strong hate for anything. I think that hate or dislike develops over time. Our self image develops as we are exposed to more opinions and ideas.

We could have all of the praise in the world for our writing, but if one person has something negative to say about our work, it could very likely completely shatter our self-esteem.

This is not acceptable.

The truth is you're going to be put down in life. You're going to be hurt, betrayed, and broken by people, by circumstance, by yourself, but you cannot let that comment from that one stranger break you.

Writer's block feeds from insecurity: You are unsure of your ideas. You have lost direction and clarity in your story because your mind is overflowing with opinions about your work, defeat, and maybe even a little jealousy because everyone else seems to be succeeding.

That's how writer's block stems from self-doubt.

You don't have enough time to write because you are not physically seeking out an hour or two to be alone and be still with your work. Maybe you're avoiding your book because you feel ashamed of it and so instead of writing, you're burying this guilt in other projects. Perhaps someone told you you're never going to be a writer, no one's ever going to buy your book, and you're wasting your time. So you give up to please them, but in the process, you're breaking yourself.

This is how procrastination stems from self-doubt.

You do your research. You make an outline. Everything is in place for you to start your first draft, but you don't. Because you know the minute you type a word on that page, the minute you start writing that story that has your name on it, everyone can judge you for it.

You research and you research. You watch videos and read books, but you never type a word because you are afraid, and your insecurity is killing your creativity.

No matter how much knowledge you have on writing, your self-doubt still rules you.

Writing is funny because one minute you hate it and all you want to do is quit, but when you do take a break, all you can think about is your book. It's a game that goes back and forth. It's you vs. your book, but really it's you vs. your mind and how strong your will is to complete that book.

I just want to point out that there is a difference between giving up and taking a break to keep your sanity. As a creator, you're allowed to take breaks. It's healthy to take breaks because you're feeling run-down. It's not healthy to quit because someone told you to or because people don't like your work.

And I know it's hard, especially in our society today with social media. People are constantly feeding each other negativity, but I think we're also constantly talking about self-love and how we should not be afraid to express who we really are.

But there are two problems with that—people aren't leading by example, and therefore aren't creating an environment where people can love themselves and live up to their potential. We're talking too much, but we're not taking action. You can't change how someone thinks of them self. You can only change how you think of yourself and when people see that you love yourself and you're proud of who you are, they will follow. Because they want that self-love too. Be the person who leads by example.

The only way to truly love your work is to love the hands and the mind and the body that created it. Doing that takes a lot of work and a lot of strength. There are going to be a lot of ups and downs.

Don't beat yourself up when you make mistakes. Learn from those mistakes in your writing and be thankful you realize that the sentence you thought was gold yesterday, sucks today. That shows how you've grown, and how much farther you will go.

Like writing a book, loving yourself is a journey. Take constructive criticism with a gain of salt, and if someone is being mean on purpose, say goodbye to them and go live your uniquely, extraordinary life. Value yourself, and come to know and love the unique and extraordinary being you are.

Thank you for reading this post! If you enjoyed it and want to talk more about self-love, I'd be happy to chat. You can email me at writer.alexandra.lee@gmail.com or DM on Instagram @writer_alexandra_lee . I'm not an expert, but I try to lead by example and enjoy sharing my thoughts.

I would love for you to join my blog family by subscribing! It's free and it will keep you updated when I post. Go to the home page of this website and scroll down to the subscribe sheet!

It's been a pleasure writing for you, and until next time—stay weird and stay writing. - Lexi