How to Interact with People—Tips for the Introvert in all of us

I'm just going to come right out and say that I'm not an introvert. I'm an extrovert. It has come to my attention though that the majority of writers are indeed introverts, so today I'm spilling some secrets and sharing some tips I've learned about interacting with people in person and online so you can make more connections and grow closer to both your readers and people in general.

1. Confidence

If there is one thing people struggle with it's being confident. EVERYONE, and I mean EVERYONE struggles with not liking something about themselves---not liking the way their hair sticks straight up or that pimple on your nose. I'm not saying you should fake being confident because then you could end up coming off to strong and arrogant, (Every YA bad-boy ever written) and we wouldn't want that. But I do think everyone has good qualities or qualities they should be proud of. Focus on those things about yourself when approaching a new person. Don't focus on your insecurities or what you're not good at. Gaining confidence is going to take a long time. It doesn't just happen over night. Some people have more than others, but it's import to gain confidence in yourself, and not just for meeting new people, but so you can feel good about you!

2. Be Genuine

If you haven't notice yet, there's a good number or fake people in the world. Don't be one of them.

I was listening to the SHE podcast yesterday by Jordan Lee Dooley and the subject was all about friendships. She went into detail about how you're going to have a couple different "classes" of friends---Ride or die friends, and then friends that you might hang out with, but don't talk about super deep stuff with.

The first kind of friendships are the people you go to and the people that come to you when something big happens in your lives. Jordan said that you're going to have one or two of these friends.You may only see them once or twice a year, but these people have your back and you have theirs.

Now the second group of friends are just the people you like to hang out with. These people make you laugh and you can have a good time with them. Here's the place where my point, Be Genuine, comes in.

You should be genuine with everyone which means two things---1. Don't be a fake friend and 2. When meeting new people, be as much yourself as possible.

This first point is pretty simple and is basically saying if you're in a friendship with someone who maybe wants to be in that first group of friends with you and you're not feeling it, that's okay.

Jordan said it's in our nature to want to be in really deep friendships with all of our friends, but that's not realistic. Not everyone is compatible in that way and that's okay. Just be kind to people.

The second point is a little more confusing. When I say, "Be as much of yourself as possible," I don't mean put on a different face and pretend to be someone you're not, and I don't mean only show part of the real you. Building real and authentic relationships takes time, and I think we all have different masks that we put on. These masks are all us, but change when we're talking to other people. You don't talk to your grandma and your best friend the same way.

The point is, don't show everyone everything about you at first. One thing I've learned through my relationships is you often learn more about yourself as you learn about other people. Be genuine and people will see that and they'll want to be friends because real genuine people are hard to come by these days.

3. Reach Out First

Say you're at a party and you meet this really nice girl and exchange numbers, or you're at a business conference and meet someone who could bring your business and writing to the next level. You get their business card, but now what? In either of these situations, what do you do next?

People are very busy and often forget small things like texting or calling others. You may take this as a sign that they just don't want to talk to you, but try anyway. They may have just forgot and will be thankful for your message. People like to feel appreciated and involved, so instead of waiting for them to call, make the first move. It may turn into something great.

4. Find Common Ground

My grandma and mother used to tell me this when I was younger---"If you want to make new friends, find something you have in common."

Well, my stubborn butt didn't want to take this advice, but I ended up trying it, and it really works!

When meeting someone new, I always try to ask them about their interests to see if we have anything in common and then build a conversation around that topic. A lot of times the conversation starts going in different directions all by itself and before you know it, you're just having a conversation and don't have to think about it anymore.

5. Give First Than Receive

These points are all meant to help both real life relationships and online ones, but I think this point definitely gears toward those online relationships more. I'm really into listening to and watching motivational speakers and entrepreneurs if you haven't noticed. I love that stuff, especially if it deals with marketing and building your brand on social media. One of my favorite entrepreneurs is Gary Vee and he has a book called Jab, Jab, Jab, Right Hook. Which is basically a book on this whole point in terms of growing your social media.

Gary uses a "Jab" to represent liking some else's instagram post or posting content on your platform that's beneficial to your followers. It's not a selfish thing. You are doing it to make someone else feel good, not to market your book or get people to buy your products.

Gary uses a "Right Hook" to represent the opposite which is more centered on your work and your products. A Right Hook is you asking someone to do something for you.

People are less likely to buy your book if they've never heard of you, but if you've been leaving great comments and feedback on their Facebook page than they are more likely to do something for you.

Gary says for every five Jabs you do, use a Right Hook.

The more you build up your brand by building up others, the more genuine supports you're going to have and the more likely they are to buy or review or read your book when it finally comes out.

6. Repeat

Did you really think that was it? If I've learned anything about relationships it's that you're constantly trying new ways to interact with people and build tighter bonds. You can't just be genuine one time and expect that to make up for you being a jerk. You can't like someone's instagram post once or use a Jab and expect them to praise your work. You have to keep doing these things over and over again to see results. Buckle up because you're in it for the long run when it comes to making friends.

But it's 1000000 percent worth it in the end. I have amazing friends both in real life and online and I don't know where I'd be without them. These tips aren't guaranteed to work. They're just a list I came up with, and like you, I struggle to fit in. But don't let that stop you.

I always think, "If God wants me to find that person then we will cross paths."

If you're made to be in someone's life, you'll know it the minute you meet them, and they'll know it too.

I leave you with that. What are some of your friendship stories? Leave them in a comment down below, and if any of you want to be friends on instagram I would love to meet you! Mine is @writer_alexandra_lee .

It's been a pleasure writing for you, and until next time---stay weird and stay writing. - Lexi